If I Have Anything to Say About It
by Toejones
Summary: "It really is too bad I will die without satisfying my curiosity about coitus," Castiel said as he shut the Impala's door. "Sex really is the best thing life as a human has to offer," Dean chuckled back. (Hidden scene in Ep. 5x3)


"There are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. And two, you are not going to die a virgin on my watch."

Of course he'd say something like that. That's what Dean did. He helped his friends out whenever possible. He really did care, even if he hid it under fake disbelief and bravado. When he said something like that, he meant it, too; it became a main objective, a quest to fulfill.

"It really is too bad I will die without satisfying my curiosity about coitus," Castiel said as he shut the Impala's door, looking serious and slightly pensive with hints of leftover fear, as if he was still trying to figure out the practical application of it.

"Sex really is the best thing life as a human has to offer," Dean chuckled back, still riding the giggles Cas had induced moments earlier in the brothel they were currently parked outside of. He slid into the driver's seat into the familiar groove his own body had left in the leather, finally letting the laughter die down as he slammed the door.

"The… women did not appeal to me in any case. I did not know or trust them, save for what I read in their minds, there was no attachment there… It did not feel… right," Castiel stared out into space as Dean started up the car. Dean shot him a sidelong glance, mildly amused.

"Sex isn't about attachment, Cas, it's about feelin' fantastic. Sex is just sex, nothing more."

"Yes, that is the way you have sex, Dean. However, it was meant to mean something more from the beginning. You humans are more than just animals copulating merely because your bodies tell you to reproduce; you're also doing it to bring relationships to that more intimate level."

"Cas, come on, that's horseshit, and you know it."

"Is it not preferable to share something so intimate with someone you are fond of?" Cas' bright blue eyes bored into the side of Dean's head. Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened and he licked his lips nervously.

He really thought about it as his silence stretched on. His mind drifted back to Cassie, back to Lisa. Yeah, the sex had been better. It had a certain level of, to put it like Cas had, intimacy. Intimacy he couldn't get with barflies and other loose women in general. Not to say that there was anything wrong with a nice, sleazy, no-questions-asked fuck now and then.

"Well… I guess, yeah, in a way it_ is_ better…" he admitted. Cas only let the hint of a grin dance around his eyes, turning to face forward again. Dean's shoulders relaxed as Cas' eyes were pointed elsewhere. Dean let his own smirk show, "Cocky bastard," he chuckled.

"I have no human parentage, therefor I cannot be a bastard. However, I can assure you Jimmy was a legitimate son," Castiel looked back to Dean with such seriousness. Dean laughed heartily again, Impala swerving just a fraction as Dean nearly doubled over.

"You're so great, Cas," Dean sighed happily as his laughter died down again.

"Thank you, Dean. I think you are 'great' as well."

Dean allowed a small smile to stay on his lips as they drove back to their motel. His smile slowly fell as thoughts of other business came to him in droves, waging war against the feeble army of happy, peaceful thoughts Cas had brought him. Cas was going to die tomorrow, more than likely. Cas, the one who'd saved him, the only one who had made him laugh like this in so long, was going to die and all Dean had done was laugh at him, make empty promises, take him somewhere that made him uncomfortable, and embarrass the hell out of both of them. He swallowed guiltily and glanced at Cas, expecting to find an accusatory glare or even a sullen, angel-y pout fixed his way. He was just being Cas, sitting ramrod straight in the leather passenger seat with his head tilted at the normal thirty-something degree angle, squinting against the glare of the streetlamps, amplified by the leftover wetness left by the earlier rain, out his window at the late-night pedestrians with collars turned up against the ominous wind and unlit shops, closed for the night, a faint curiosity painting his face as he absorbed the human world in his endearing way with a childlike wonder in his eyes.

Guilt congealed in Dean's throat as he noticed the angel's seatbelt, lawfully clicked into place despite being practically impossible to kill… practically. He licked his lips again and swallowed, a light sweat covering his forehead as he weighed his options. There was a way, there was always a way, that was something Dean firmly believed in. Cas had said that he'd much rather do someone he liked… and apparently he thought Dean was "great as well"… He cut his thought process off before he could delve too deeply into it, especially as a blush rose on his cheeks, and switched lanes at the last minute, turning left and away from their motel. Cas' head snapped away from the view out his window to face Dean.

"Our motel is east from here, not west."

"I know, I know," Dean sighed, hands sliding on the wheel as his palms began sweating. His tongue darted out nervously again. Their motel was east from here, but oh wait, it was also disgusting.

"Your heart rate has increased significantly, perhaps you should pull over," Cas said, placing a hand fondly, firmly, on Dean's arm. Dean shook him off with a grunt and said nothing, pulling into the parking lot of a La Quinta a few minutes later.

"What are we doing here?" Cas asked, head beginning to tilt and eyes squinting.

"What if I told you I could still help you trade in that V card?" Dean licked his lips and took a deep breath, subconsciously preparing for rejection.

"That would be preferable to sitting quietly," Castiel replied simply. Dean exhaled in a great gust, relieved.

"Then come on," Dean got out of the Impala and gestured for Cas to follow him inside. The hotel was much nicer than anywhere they usually stayed. Cas mentioned it as he looked up and admired the chandelier in the cozy lobby, but Dean ignored him. Castiel decided to occupy himself by watching Say Yes to the Dress on the flat screen on the opposite wall in the lobby as Dean took care of whatever he was here for.

"Two sing… I mean, one king please," Dean muttered, face turning pink as he nearly ordered out of habit. The clerk seemed to take no mind, thankfully, of his companion.

He swiped Dean's card and handed him a room key back with it, telling him to "Have a nice evening, Mr. Rodriguez." Dean grabbed Castiel's sleeve as he passed by him on the way to the elevator.

"Dean," Cas huffed, almost impatiently, glancing over his shoulder back to the TV as they entered the elevator, "It's nearly midnight and we have much to do in the morning, what is going o-" Cas was silenced by a hesitant, quick kiss on the lips from Dean. Cas' face went completely blank, eyes staring into Dean's, just as blankly. He slowly raised his hand to touch his lips, blinking at Dean. His head gradually tilted to the right, eyes refusing to leave Dean's.

Dean shuddered, the blank look on Cas' face creeped him out way worse than the usual penetrating squint. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, turning his back to Cas. "Shit, Cas, I'm sorry, I just thought… I felt like…. I owed you this experience? I don't know, I mean, I've, uh, totally never kissed a guy before and, well…" Dean trailed off and turned back around to face Cas as they reached their floor. It was like he was in junior high again, kissing a much older chick for the first time, butterflies fluttering in his belly and everything. Weird.

Dean reached for the button to close the doors and go check out, but Cas grabbed his sleeve, now looking intently up at Dean. "Don't lie to me," he said.

"What?" Dean balked.

"Do not lie to me, Dean Winchester. I know of your boyhood experimentation with others of your gender. I'm indifferent to sexual orientation and I assure you many others like you are in denial. Being curious about sex is a normal part of being human, as far as I can understa-"

"I already got the sex talk from my dad, Cas! It was awkward enough to fill the awkward-moment quota for my LIFE. I don't think it'll be any less weird a second time around and no offense, but, I don't think a ten-million-year-old virgin has much to teach me on the subject!" Dean stopped him with a hand in his face.

"I am MUCH older than that and I know everything there is to know about human biology, including their sexuality!" Cas was honestly insulted at the doubt in his knowledge of things, "You do not need to hide this attraction to men, Dean! You're in denial but-"

"Cas!" Dean hissed, slamming the 'close' button. He reminded himself that he knew he was in denial, but denied that he was in denial about being in denial and tried not to think about how close to right Cas was. He just had to be a little more specific.

Dean momentarily panicked as he felt his balance thrown off. Cas shoved Dean out of the elevator before it shut and followed quickly. Dean grasped at his coat to help keep upright, pulling Castiel into him and managing to stay standing. Cas slapped his hands away from his coat and growled, "As I was saying-"

"I said drop it! This WAS a bad idea, I'm getting the fuck outta here!" Dean snarled.

"No," Cas gripped the lapels of Dean's coat securely and pressed him against the wall roughly. Dean flinched, hands coming up to fight back. His fists froze hallway to Cas' face as Cas returned Dean's kiss from earlier. It was cold and there was nothing behind it, but Dean's legs turned to jelly all the same.

"Cas," he exhaled heavily, pushing him curtly. Cas allowed his body to be pushed away, relinquishing his grip but still fixing Dean with that intense, now slightly angry, gaze. There was a stretch of silence as the gears in Cas' head worked away and Dean breathed heavily into the empty space between them.

"The general consensus seems to be that sex is better with someone you care for," Cas paused and sighed, a scowl that rivaled one of Sam's contorting his face, "… and for what it's worth, I care for you a great deal, Dean Winchester," Castiel finished profoundly, eyes piercing into Dean's, all passion. They softened as Cas continued to gaze and a hand came up to touch Dean's face timidly.

Dean swallowed, anger and gentleness competing to control his next move. He tried to think of something to say in return, something sarcastic, failed, took a shallow breath, and pressed his lips back against Cas', shoving the emotion he'd just read in Cas' eyes out of his mind for the time being. He again thought back to Cas telling him he most likely would not live to see noon tomorrow. His kiss grew in ferocity and Cas seemed unaffected or petrified by it, still unmoving. He swept the last bit of irresolute energy out of his deliberations and pulled back from Cas. "First step," he said, slightly breathless, "is to stop being so tense." It was equal parts a direction for both of them.

Cas nodded and awkwardly pressed stone-solid lips against his again. Dean took Cas' face in his hands and tilted it, trying to get into a more conventional position. Cas moved where Dean lead him and was dazed and a little bleary-eyed when Dean nudged him away and peeled himself off the wall. He heard the whoosh of the elevator behind the walls slow down at their floor.

"People are coming. Let's go inside," he said and opened their door, ushering Cas in. He flipped the sign to 'do not disturb' as an afterthought before kicking the door shut. He closed his eyes briefly and took a shaky breath in before turning.

He was met with an overwrought, stalk-still Cas that resembled a scared little deer in the headlights more than an angel. Dean locked the door behind his back and he heard Cas take in a shuddering breath of his own.

"You will… need to walk me through this," he said unsteadily as Dean approached.

"Alright then," Dean nodded, trying not to let his own voice shake before he coaxed Cas back into a kiss. It had been a pretty long while since Dean had a virgin, at least since he was 20ish, and the last thing he wanted to do was to ruin Cas' first impression of sex or freak him out, especially since he'd probably already ruined his first kiss. But did the normal rules even apply in this situation? His sexual knowledge didn't exactly include a chapter on million-year-old virgin angels that were dying in the morning. His fingers slid up Cas' back, barely touching, to his neck. He tilted Cas' face and then his own head, trying to get Castiel to respond. Cas was still scared stiff, it was like kissing a wall. "C'mon Cas," Dean muttered, "follow my lead, move." He understood the hooker's frustration now, he thought with some humor.

Cas nodded eagerly, but still looked a bit sick. Dean assaulted him with a barrage of quick kisses without time for either of them to take a breath, trying to get Cas used to kissing back. His first few attempts were sloppy; he bit Dean's tongue by accident, he slid off Dean's mouth entirely, but after a while he had the hang of it, managing to make out semi-normally. His eyes were squeezed shut, hands clasped around Dean's neck.

Dean eased back, Cas following his mouth away and then turning red when he realized Dean was trying to pull away. Dean felt a giggle rise in his throat and a pang in his chest he hadn't felt in years. He grimaced instead of laughing and moved lower to kiss Cas' jaw so Cas couldn't see his inner conflict in the crease of his brow. Cas gasped a little.

"That is not my mouth," Cas' voice actually trembled, surprising Dean. He remained silent as he moved his mouth south, sucking kisses down Cas' neck lightly, too gentle to leave marks.

When Cas actually tipped his head and gripped at Dean's shoulders with a tiny little noise, Dean said "That's the way, Cas."

"Dean, I… Dean, I…" Cas blurted. Sensing the beginning of a ramble or 'what's happening down there?' conversation he didn't want to have, Dean kissed Cas hard.

"What was that?" he asked with a smirk.

"I- I don't remember," Cas admitted sheepishly. Dean chuckled, the pang echoing painfully in his chest, beginning to slide Cas' coat off. Cas stood stalk still, allowing the coat to fall to the floor. He was beginning to look like he had earlier that evening in the brothel again, eyes wide and mouth pressed into a tight line.

"Calm down," Dean whispered, rubbing his thumbs along Cas' cheeks and jaw. Cas leaned into the touch, finding it strangely calming. Dean, realizing the tenderness of it, pulled his hands away and yanked off his own jacket instead, suddenly feeling oppressively hot.

"I just don't know what to do," Cas huffed, "Obviously I know how this works, and … but the link between my vessel's nerve-endings and my true self has never been this strong. I am not used to feeling this intensely…"

"That's how everyone feels at first… I think… you know, without all the angel-y vessel stuff," Dean chuckled in assurance, "Just do what feels natural, I guess." Cas nodded, deciding to keep silent about the fact that natural was not the same for both of them since Dean was beginning to kiss his neck again and he was afraid he would stop if he spoke out.

Cas hesitated before clinging to Dean's ribs, licking his lips as he'd observed was Dean's nervous habit. Dean backed them up slowly, guiding Cas with his hands resting firmly on Cas' hips like shelves until his knees hit the mattress. He sank down to sit and kicked his shoes off. Cas stood with his knees touching Dean's shins, eyes downcast. "Shoes," Dean suggested, cocking his head down towards Cas' feet.

Cas toed out of his dress shoes and socks and Dean kicked them under the bed. He reached up to grip Cas' hips again, pulling him down. He went willingly, sitting himself down on Dean's lap. Cas, in a moment of courage, leaned down and planted his mouth open against Dean's. Dean groaned shortly, surprised at the confidence, pulling Cas closer with the grip he still had on his hips. Cas threaded his fingers up into Dean's too-short hair with minimal hesitancy. Dean snaked his tongue into the angel's mouth and Cas allowed it, mimicking a groan back at Dean.

"You're definitely getting' it, Cas," Dean panted as he wrenched off the suit jacket he'd nearly forgotten Cas also wore under his trench coat.

Cas grew bolder, copying Dean and planting a kiss where Dean's jaw met his neck. He took it even a step further, sucking a hickey into the light stubble a little lower on Dean's throat. He readjusted himself on Dean's lap, he was slipping off, but got a friction between them that stopped him dead in his tracks. He gasped in surprise and Dean hissed in response, involuntarily jerking his hips upward. Cas whined and shut his eyes, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder.

"That is… nice," Cas managed to croak, voice thick. He swallowed and licked his lips, anticipating and dreading the rest of the process with a blend of emotions new to him.

"Gets better," Dean replied gruffly, grinding up into Cas.

"Dean," Cas crooned softly, pressing his lips into Dean's sweat-slick neck, tasting his pulse. Cas felt his vessel's heart jump as Dean untucked his wrinkled, sweaty shirt. Dean's fingers slid up under it in the back, slipping in the sweat Cas hadn't realized he'd been producing. It was strange to sweat and keen and move like this, to feel so human. He felt all at once more connected than ever to his vessel and entirely disconnected from reality.

A light flickered as Dean slid his hips against Cas' again. Dean, normally grabbing his gun at the first suspicion, chalked it up to faulty wiring and began to unbutton Cas' shirt with trembling fingers. This experience was supposed to be perfect. Besides, what demon would dare sneak up on Dean Winchester and an angel?

Cas started getting handsy, roaming over the planes and folds of Dean's torso, the muscle of his arms. The teasing lightness was unintentional, but it made Dean shiver in the worst way. He grabbed Cas' wrists, bringing them between their bodies. He undid the buttons on the cuffs and tugged the shirt down as far as he could as Cas watched his hands intensely. Cas wriggled the rest of the way out and rolled his hips down into Dean's experimentally. He refused to meet Dean's eyes.

Taking his chance while Cas was looking away, Dean flipped them so he was standing, Cas pinned under him against the edge of the mattress. Cas scrambled into a better spot on the bed, mostly out of a sudden claustrophobia he felt inside his vessel. Dean over him, looming like a predator as he was, was unsettling even with the knowledge that he could snap his fingers and transport Dean millions of miles away. When he met the bright green eyes, a few feet away and up, they were nearly all black with his dilated pupils, brimming with lust, but Castiel could see into the depths (not quite reading his mind) and found tenderness that eased his tension a bit. He settled into the blankets comfortably now, feigning composure as Dean continued to loom over him, lusting over the sharp jut of his hipbones and clavicle, the expanse of his chest and stomach.

Dean pounced, slamming their mouths together too roughly in his haste. Pillows flew up around them and knocked something off the nightstand. Dean thought Cas didn't seem to mind any of it, he just opened his mouth and let Dean in. He picked at the collar of Dean's t-shirt, fingertips skimming the freckled skin beneath, a nervous tick that wasn't Dean's or Sam's. Dean sighed into Cas' mouth as he realized what he was doing to Cas, bit at his lip. Cas slid his hands along Dean's chest and around, sneaking up under the back of his t-shirt to gently massage his lower back. Dean growled low in his throat, wondered how human he could make Cas act.

Castiel continued to let his hands explore, nerves slowly waning, never going as low as Dean needed and never taking off any clothes. Dean was starting to feel like he might suffocate in his shirt. "Cas, c'mon," he groaned, head pressing into the pillow beside Cas' head, lips ghosting against the crook of his shoulder, "You're part of this, too. Just do what you think will feel good, don't hold back on me, man."

He pushed himself back up and gazed down into Cas' eyes, sharing his breath. Castiel fell apart under the intensity and his hips jumped firmly upward. Dean made a satisfied sound and his lips found Castiel's collarbone, first kissing then sucking along it.

"Dean," Cas' eyes fluttered, back arching just a little. He was still unsure of what to do with himself from here. He toyed with the hem of Dean's shirt again, half-mad with desperation to do something. He made little keening noises, half from the way Dean's mouth worshipped his body and occasional contact between their hips, half from the need to do something, anything, but being unsure how.

"Stop picking at that," Dean finally growled, nipping at Cas' shoulder in annoyance. Cas' nervous fingers stilled and dropped the hem of the shirt and he froze, anxiety peaking again.

"I-I'm sorry, Dean, I…" Cas blathered, starting to sit up frantically.

"Don't be sorry," Dean grumbled, closing his eyes and placing a palm on Cas' chest, pressing him back into the mattress. Castiel's eyes were wide with the fear he'd screwed up and Dean's chest ached for him, ached so much is spread to his stomach, turning it. He creased his brow and put a hand on Cas' face, slowly resting his forehead against Cas'. He willed his frustration not to show as he continued, "Just… you just…" he sighed. This was about Cas, and if the angel wanted to take it slow, even excruciatingly so, so be it. He opened his eyes and leaned back a bit. Cas' eyes were too-blue and blown, pupils overtaking his irises. He was scared, and uneasy, and so very out of his element, searching for help, for an anchor in the sea of Dean's green eyes. Dean smoothed Cas' hair, gently caressed his lips with his own. "Don't be sorry, Cas" he repeated, "Just go ahead at your own pace, but please, for the love of God, don't be shy."

Cas remained mute, deciding not to ask what the love of his Father had to do with this situation as it really was an awkward topic to bring up, opting for pushing his hands up under Dean's shirt, bringing it up in folds with his wrists. The soft, un-calloused pads of his fingers tasted Dean's flesh, taking their time to map out the barely-there ridges of his abdomen, fingers brushing through the hair down low and up along his solid chest, lingering over his racing heartbeat before, at last, pushing the shirt up and over Dean's head.

Cas' bare chest was flushed and hot as Dean pressed them together, going in for a sloppy, poorly-aimed kiss. Cas cupped Dean's face and gently put them back on course. Dean moaned, long and emphatic as Cas' tongue made its premier appearance, shyly running along Dean's. Cas replied with a soft, sighing, happy noise and licked the roof of Dean's mouth.

Dean wrenched himself back, panting. "Fuck," he breathed, floored by Cas' new vigor.

"That's the idea," Cas agreed, starting to get lost in the feeling of it all, scraping his nails lightly up Dean's bare back. Dean thrust down with a grunt of surprise and Cas met him with fervor. A shiver snaked its way evilly down Dean's spine, rattling his bones and shredding his confidence as Castiel's grew. Another light flickered and the alarm clock on the side table blinked out. Dean's head snapped away from Cas.

"Cas what's-"

"Shut up, Dean," Cas interrupted, grabbing the back of Deans head and forcing their lips to meet, teeth clicking, and licked into Dean's mouth quickly. Dean had no arguments as he returned the kindness.

He was wasting time on purpose at this point, kissing the same spots again and again, running out of moves and inching forward with baby steps. He criticized himself. This was no time to have an emotional crisis. Cas needed him all there, but Dean didn't want this any more than he wanted sex with any other guy, and a lot less than he wanted sex with literally any chick… at least that's what he was trying to tell himself. This was for Cas, not for him. It was no easy task as Cas sucked his lower lip into his mouth, nibbling it gently. He sighed Dean's name and his hands caressed Dean's back. There was that pang again.

He didn't have time to think about his chest as Cas moved lower, starting to struggle with the button on Dean's jeans, other areas of his body needed attention… badly. Dean completely gave up his ability to think at all as Cas began making little aborted thrusts every few seconds, never gaining adequate friction, sinful sounds Dean had never imagined Cas could make bubbling from his lips. His shaking hands had no hope of ever undoing the button and fly of Dean's jeans.

Hopeless and burning with need, Cas gave up and simply stuck his hands into Dean's pants. "Ah-Cas-ah-" Dean bit his lip and berated himself for being such a wimp as Cas inexpertly searched for what he wanted.

"Dean, help," Cas demanded sharply, retracting his hands, much to Dean's distaste, and tugging roughly at the button again. Dean undid his own jeans like lighting and Cas pulled the faded levis down his thighs. Dean kicked them off the end of the bed as he began undoing Cas' slacks. Dean slid Cas' pants down slowly, nerves coming back full force for the second time as he realized there was no turning back.

Cas managed to kick his own pants off after a little struggling. He braced himself on his elbows and half sat up, biting at Dean's lips playfully. Dean tried to avoid it, but lost, ending up grinning like an idiot as Cas let go of his lip. Cas, who Dean had never seen actually smile, came the closest Dean had ever seen, a teeny, barely-there smile dancing around the corners of his mouth and eyes crinkling. Dean swallowed the words, "Fuck, Cas, I love you" and "God, you're hot," still trying to deny this was as much for him as for Cas.

"AHh- Dean- ah," Cas tried to silence the last noise by biting his lip and clawing at Dean's back as Dean's fingertips slipped beneath the elastic of Cas' boxers mischievously. The lights flickered dangerously again and Dean glanced around surreptitiously, finally just deciding to blame the rain and wind. Cas didn't seem to find anything amiss and urged Dean further with an insistent tug at Dean's hair.

Dean's resolve faltered yet again as he slid Cas' boxers down all the way. He took a deep, shaky breath. Dry humping was one thing, but…. He touched Cas at last, earning a strangled, soft little cry, muffled by Cas' lip. Dean heard thunder roll in the distance. The light on the nightstand surged and popped. It was ignored as well.

"You can make noise," Dean said, lips hovering over Cas' navel, lightly whispering along the sensitive skin. He pressed his mouth to a hipbone, then a little lower and Cas made a noise like he'd been punched in the gut, a desperate whoosh of air- among others as Dean continued his movements. His blunt nails scratched feebly against Dean's shoulder blades. Thunder rolled again, closer this time. Dean heard the rain begin to pick up, big heavy drops against the windows.

"Dean- D…" Cas trailed off into a groan, breath hitching and hips stuttering. Dean pinned his hips down with his free hand. "Oh, I feel…" Cas shook his head vigorously and pushed a hand through Dean's hair, tugged at his own messy locks.

"Come on, Cas, let go," Dean said. He slid up Cas' body fluidly, aiming for a tender kiss. Cas smashed their faces together and Dean grunted, half in pain as his lip began to bleed.

Dean scraped his nails down Cas' ribs, leaving mild red lines across the little hills. His nails bit into Cas' hips as he began moving and obstructing progress again. Cas bit his lip and moaned at that, making a few more futile movements before it was over. He finished with a gasp and a groan and lightning flashed outside.

The lights in the room exploded with the boom of thunder above them, the sound drowned out by a barely-there shriek, shrill with a strange familiarity like your name in a foreign language. The furniture and floor were showered with glass like snowflakes from the light fixtures and as the lightning lit the room, the same shadows Dean had seen in the barn were stretched out along the bed, spilling onto the floor, and up the walls like dusky specters, impossibly dark black and otherworldly, leaving Dean breathless.

"Cas," Dean whistled lowly, his own voice wrecked. He leaned up when the shapes faded and pressed kisses to each of Cas' closed eyelids, his forehead, and finally his lips. Cas drank it in like he would die otherwise, boneless arms draping lazily over Dean's neck to pull him in close.

"That was- Dean- I'm sorry, such…" Cas searched for the words as Dean pressed one last kiss to his lips, "Such things are not usually done by angels, even in their vessels. I was not prepared and had trouble containing myself …" Castiel surveyed the damage.

"It's fine, Cas… Pretty cool, actually," Dean smirked and sat up, still straddling Cas. The angel's eyes snapped away from the broken glass and fresh rainstorm outside, fixing on Dean. His gaze strolled lazily around on Dean's body, lingering here and there and Castiel basked in the afterglow. As it drifted lower Castiel noticed that he was the only one fully satisfied.

"Dean you-" he tried. Dean was already shaking his hand clean and wiping it on the bedspread, clambering off Castiel, and trying to locate his pants without stepping on any broken glass. "Dean!" Cas grabbed his wrist, "We are not done." His gaze was angelic in the new sense, fierce and unyielding.

The hair on the back of Dean's neck stood up, almost like the electricity from Cas lingered in the room. He shook off Cas' hand and rubbed the electric feeling, starting to pull on his pants. He had gone too far already. His shoulders set in determination, he zipped his fly. He decided to forget the underwear and started to feel around for his shirt.

Cas watched him, wondering why he was so eager to leave. He creased his brow and his mouth pulled down at the corners as he thought. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Dean looked up and was trapped staring at the naked angel, all messy dark hair and blue eyes that seemed to glow in the dark and miles it seemed of perfect pale skin. Those eyes dared Dean to argue- dared him to continue getting dressed.

"Is it because you won't feel as masculine? Pride is a sin, Dean and-" Cas began to say.

"The rebel angel who just got a handjob from heaven's most wanted is gonna lecture me about sinning?" Dean paused to scoff and Cas turned red, "No thanks, Reverend."

"You are in denial, Dean," Cas crossed his arms and curled up ever-so-slightly. Dean rolled his eyes. The right thing to do, and what Dean really wanted to do, was to strip his jeans back off and satisfy them both until he couldn't move. But when did Dean ever do the easy thing? He had to make it complicated, had to protect his macho pride, had to be a dick, and had to try his best not to care. "I would not be upset if I didn't know you were "being a dick"," Cas used air quotes, "In fact, I am not entirely sure it is needed for both of us to come to completion, but-"

"Nah, Cas," he tried his best to smile, "Really, it's fine… This was just a last-night-on-Earth thing… You experienced the height of human, uh, whatever, so I'm just gonna put my pants back on and drive back to the gross motel so we're inconspicuous again…" he found his shirt and put an arm through it.

Castiel's eyes narrowed and the rain picked up outside. Dean swallowed and avoided Cas' eyes. "Dean Winchester," he growled, "You can't lie to me."

"I told you not to read my mind!" Dean snapped.

"You're not as deep as you think," Castiel replied, "and I don't understand why you insist on burying your emotions… besides, even if you do not care for me," Cas looked down at his feet, "sex is just sex, right?"

"Cas, come on…" Dean pleaded, stepping closer and pulling his arm out of his shirt. The ache in his chest was worse than ever. Castiel did not look up. Dean swallowed, knowing he was about to cave. "Do you just want more sex or do you actually care about my 'feelings'?" Dean chided, guarded. Castiel's eyes flickered up briefly, hurt at the accusation.

"You ask this when you won't tell me anything? Why are you so reluctant?!" Cas was on the verge of shouting.

"O… Okay. Okay! Okay, fine!" Dean snapped, tossing his shirt angrily to the floor, "You are such a manipulative bastard…" he mumbled, feeling like the moment might have been ruined by now. "Look…" he rubbed his forehead and sighed, "I… You… Cas," he sighed helplessly and wandered back over to the angel.

"You are being very cryptic," Cas huffed.

"It's just that I… I'm no good with feelings, okay? I DO care for you, okay? You're in at second to Sam, and in my book that's a record for anyone who's not family. It's just… It's… Uh… It's…" he felt his face burning hot and sat next to Cas on the bed, hoping to feel less on the spot. If anything it made it feel more like a chick-flick moment. "I like you… too much."

"… I don't understand," Cas said softly, staring at his knees. Dean licked his lips.

"I don't generally let myself get… feelings, Cas…" he whispered.

"All humans have feelings, honestly Dean, what are you trying to say?!" Cas looked sharply to him.

Dean exploded, "CAS, I LOVE YOU, OKAY? I fucking love you like chicks love cupcakes and yippy dogs. I'm a damn girl when it comes to you and it's frustrating and awful and I also HATE you which makes it so hard and- and you're going to die tomorrow, Cas! I never- I never thought that It'd get to this point…I never thought that… I never… I never…" he took a trembling, raspy breath that even to him sounded pathetic.

"Dean…" Cas' face folded downwards in half-realization.

Dean reached over and snapped Cas' head sideways with neck-breaking force. He crashed their mouths together and dug his nails into Cas' face. Cas took a moment to catch up, having fallen behind in the time it took for him to connect the dots. He twisted awkwardly to alleviate his neck, legs tangling with Dean's. Dean scooted backwards and twisted to face Cas, mouths still tearing and sucking in desperation.

"Cas," Dean muttered, pulling back and just staring. Cas broke the eye contact and surged forward to straddle Dean. "I don't want you to die," he croaked. Cas ignored him, lavishing his throat and shoulders with kisses that were nearly bites. His fingers tentatively brushed the front of Dean's jeans.

"How do… What do I…?" Cas looked up into Dean's eyes, obviously wanting a subject change. Dean granted him that simple pleasure and smiled sadly before kissing him again.

"Whatever you want," Dean replied quietly when he paused for breath. Cas looked up to Dean quickly to receive permission again, though, as he hooked his fingers under Dean's waistband. Dean just nodded. He took a deep breath and held it before easing them down to the middle of Dean's thighs. Dean bit his lips and looked away from Cas, whose face was level with his bellybutton. He swallowed hard in anticipation and wriggled his pants the rest of the way off.

Cas ran a hand up the outside of Dean's leg before he got to the main event. As soon as he was in Cas' loose, unsure grip, he made a little noise and had to brace himself with his arms out behind him. Cas was awkwardly kneeling with one knee planted firmly on either side of Dean, pressing into his thighs. He leaned forward and Dean received his lips as an anchor. He reached up to grip Cas' neck and fell backwards, taking Cas with him.

"Cas, fuck," Dean blinked a couple times and looked up from where he'd been watching Cas take care of him into his eyes. Cas let his forehead fall against Dean's with a brain-jarring lack of control, lips resting just over Dean's own. Dean let his eyes fall shut and focused on Cas' hand on him, blocking out the dull ache in his head and the too-hard grip Cas had on his left arm. Cas lessened his grip on Dean's arm and leaned back.

"Dean, do you-" Cas' eyes darted away, "Do you want to, uh…" he was nervously picking his words. His hand ceased motion. Dean groaned. "Would you like to have sex with me?"

"Cas we're already sorta…" Dean began to reply, voice on the verge of whining, when realization hit him, "You mean…"

Cas just nodded. Dean's mouth popped open a fraction. Yes. Obviously yes. "Cas are you sure you want that?"

His reply was another bruising kiss and a shift of position. "Fuck me," Cas demanded as he laid down and pulled Dean's body with him. Dean could not believe this was happening. He felt like he'd just won the golden ticket. He almost laughed as he continued the analogy to a disgustingly accurate end- almost. Then what Cas had said just dawned on him.

"Keep talking like that and I won't last three seconds," Dean said honestly, feeling his stomach flip. He regretted the last minute nature of the whole ordeal as he found himself spitting into his hand.

"You are physically incapable of hurting me," Cas reminded him breathlessly, looking a little nervous as he squirmed slightly under Dean. Dean wasted no time in making sure Cas was ready, and even less time transitioning to easing in.

Cas gave dean an encouraging groan, back stretching. Dean bit his lip and had to stabilize himself before he could begin moving. Cas' nails were slowly gouging out tiny crescent pits of skin from Dean's hips and lower back as he helped guide Dean's hips. Cas' eyes were screwed shut, but so were Dean's as he lost himself in the rhythm. Dean remembered Cas at some point and reached down to make it fair. Cas was making absolutely criminal noises interspersed with babbled nonsense as Dean rocked his hips and moved his hand, Dean responding with grunts. Cas was losing himself all over again and Dean vaguely wondered how much Cas could do in a night.

"UHg- Dean- F… Fuck? Is that what I- ahh- say here?" he asked, more nonsense.

"Yes-Fuck- Cas," he ground out through his teeth, "Cas, Cas, I'm gon-" Dean began to warn him when Cas' hand unexpectedly slid up his arm and grasped his shoulder, right over the handprint he'd left. The same electric feeling from earlier shot up his arm, through his body and Dean dug his nails into Cas' neck and bit his lip to keep his last noise mostly quiet.

Cas' hand slid off the handprint and he caressed Dean's face lovingly, enjoying the texture of sweat and a little more stubble than usual. Dean pulled out and flopped down beside Cas, panting. He slung an arm over his forehead, eyes closed. Cas rolled and put an arm around Dean's waist. Dean took a moment before turning his head slowly to face Cas, peeking around his arm, who was already staring at him intently.

"Do you have any more kinky angel stuff I need to know about?" he laughed and grinned at Cas. Cas cocked his head.

"What do you mean?"

"The whole thing about leaking power out of your body and making it rain and all the lights exploding, and now that handprint thing. Cas, that's definitely different than anything I've ever had with a human."

"Well, in that case, I don't know," Cas replied, "I have only had sex once."

"Speaking of that, how was it?" Dean asked.

"I am very much satisfied for now," Cas nodded, wiggling closer and putting his chin on Dean's chest. Dean realized with a touch of horror that this was cuddling. When Cas kissed his mouth and smiled ever-so-slightly against his lips a smile that meant things to come, though, Dean thought he could get used to it.

The same thing seemed to dawn on Cas at the same time. He nuzzled into Dean's side and sighed, kissing Dean's ribs. Dean put his arms around Cas and pulled him up so their heads were on the same pillow, squeezing him as tight as he could. He kissed to top of Cas' head and stroked his back. He never really was given a chance to get used to things.


End file.
